Instance of Delight

I'm delighted today.

It isn't anything huge. It isn't like a positive result on a pregnant test or a sizeable tax return or finding ice-cream in the freezer when you thought you were out. But I keep circling back to this delightful fact time and again as the day goes on and feel a tease of pleasure. 

It's a Thursday afternoon and I just had another Covid test done. The results aren't weighing on me. The test is mostly a formality to appease the healthcare system so I can get what I want out of the doctor. So in we go: into the office, into my nose, into the little tube to send to the lab. Goodbye, I say. Goodbye to my snot and my dignity. (I kid about the latter).

I've crammed nearly 1,000 medical appointments into the last 18 months or so. I'm half exaggerating... but only half. It can be disheartening because we usually think that if we work hard enough we can reach our goals. But I'm enough of a grown up to know that the reality is that the goal of  health might not be achieved despite my best efforts because bodies are fragile and complicated. However, I have been blessed with good doctors who are trying and I'm trying too so we'll see what happens.

Anyway, back to being delighted. That's why we're here. 

I realized one tiny thing that shows worlds of improvement and healing and blessing: I haven't cried at a doctor's office in a very long time. Laugh if you feel so inclined--no worries--I laugh too. It's a little funny that I have a history of crying at every appointment. A little sad too...but I'd classify it as a little sad and a little funny. And now that I'm not crying at the drop of a hat, it's a little delightful. 

I can go to a doctors office, talk to people in authority, relate my problems, ask questions, ask for help, and trust that I'm being heard and being taken seriously without shedding a single tear. It isn't a shameful thing to cry, but not crying when I used to shows that something has changed and I'm delighted to find that change in me.

I'm no perfect person, but I'm a little more secure, a little less embarrassed, a little more comfortable, a little less distrustful. I'm a lot more hopeful and a lot less afraid. I'm no perfect person, but I see that God has been kind to me, He's helped me be just a little bit better than I was. And boy, the resulting song is one of thanksgiving because it's cool to be doing just a little bit better. So I say Deo Gratias and mean it. 

And now, a few instances of silliness at doctor's appointments from the last 18 months or so: