Spring Time 2020

It's been awhile and a lot has changed. 

A glimpse:

• Nick & I are 52 days from our wedding date. My white dress nearly ready. His gold ring is ready for action. This engagement has been excruciatingly long. I'm relieved we're nearly to the end. Excited too. 
• We stay in a lot--more than usual. It has been a happy change of pace for us, a welcome one. 
• I'm feeling more and more like a typical "house wife" but minus the house and minus the wife part (for the time being). Essentially, I just find myself fretting over cobwebs and dirty windows more than ever before. Also finding tacos on the menu a lot, which reminds me of my childhood.
• We've gone about 2 months without Masses in MN and I'm really beginning to miss that time at church. Nick & I attended a TLM Drive Thru Mass last weekend and it was better than no Mass, but no real substitute.
• I've found NFP to be a frustrating, grueling and generally miserable experience. We're 3 months in. It hasn't been enlightening, its been discouraging and confusing. I don't love my body more, I hate it more. Good has come of it--particularly in our growing closer to each other--but NFP has undoubtedly been the worst part of marriage preparation. I say this because the rosey story of NFP that we hear so often shouldn't be the only one. 
• Now I'm a year post-grad. I've been well-employed at a job that is very good for me for 7 months and am so appreciative of that stability. Life is much more secure outside of school than it ever was in school and I feel better overall as a result. But boy, I cannot stress enough how good those 4 years were for me. 
• So many other things...I'm much more firm in my convictions and much more aware of gifts I have to offer. Flowers are a big deal to me and I recently figured out how to make good sweet potato fries. I set limits and boundaries and rules. I uphold them sometimes. I stopped biting my nails on Ash Wednesday and finally, for the first time in nearly 2 decades, I have pretty nails. 
• Noticing that I need to be more intentional about consuming better things--songs, videos, words, images. I used to gleam much inspiration from these things and often found things worth meditating on and remembering. Not so much anymore. 
• My biggest struggle of late is being alone and being content about it. Also, my favorite hobbies are sitting down and laying down and maybe I should work on that.
• Saint Michael the Archangel is my go-to. "Cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits" is no silly language and no lighthearted prayer. I love it. I need it.
• Spring in general has brought a wash of brightness and relief to my life. I needed to be barefoot. I needed the green and the flowers and the birds. I needed the warmth and the rain. I needed to see life begin anew again and to see its beauty. It has been very good. 

More again some other time.

M