t e a r s

Hi. It's been awhile. :)

I'm an internal person, with a heck of a lot swirling around on the inside + usually give very few external clues as to what is going on. Although aware that this is not all bad there is a danger of it going too far. (I tend to fall into the "too far" category.)

I don't have the energy or research behind me to delve into the good of emotions and letting them run freely, so let it suffice to say that because we were created with feelings, we can---and should---let them be a part of ourselves, instead of always stuffing them away because they hurt or are embarrassing. While emotions have the potential to wreak havoc in our lives and those we're surrounded by, they also hold the potential to play a beautiful role in our lives and be an aid to giving God glory. 

Most often, I'm ashamed to let my emotions show if they aren't happy ones. For the longest time I thought that anything angry, sad or what-have-you shouldn't be felt...that unless you were happy, something was wrong with you. Fighting back this lie continues to be a struggle but there is hope. Some of the best advice I got last year was that "It's ok to not be ok" and I try to keep that in mind when life isnt so sunny. All can be for God's glory...frustration, loneliness, anxiety....you name it. We only have to bare in mind that in each moment we are being called into closer union with Him, and that even with (or because of) the emotions at hand, we are given exactly what is needed to do exactly that.

So...without further ado....here is my personal attempt at learning to be less ashamed of not-smiley emotions by listing things that make me cry. Addmitely, a number of these items inflict happy tears, but no matter....even those can bee hard to share at times....because smiling is my favorite. ;)

New babies. 
Not-as-new babies.
The Narnia soundtrack. 
The Forrest Gump film score.
Stories about JP2.
Stories of people meeting JP2.
Being alone in a low-lit, noiseless church.
Canon in D...particularly when played in a quartet or orchestra.
JP2 singing the Ave Maria.
Christ's unfathomable mercy.
The first Sorrowful Mystery.
Hearing of little kids' love of the Eucharist/Christ.
Mountains + the ocean.
Snuggling with babies.
Walking outside barefoot for the first time after a long winter.
When the world starts to come alive again in the spring.
Realizing how far I've been carried through life.
Confession...which first brings the hardest kinds of tears, followed by my most favorite kind. <3
Reuniting with faraway loved ones.
Saying goodbye.
Thinking about saying goodbye.
Laughing really, really hard.
Singing Marian hymns in Mass.
The movie Tangled. 
Seeing tiredness in my own eyes.
Holding babies.
St. Maximilian's martyrdom.
The Virgin Mary's fiat.
Journalling-especially prayer journalling.
Saint Faustina's Diary.
Looking through old pictures.
Reminiscing on Lisieux, France.
Christmas Eve Mass.
Visiting basillica that first ignit my love for the Mass.
Meeting guys that aren't seminarians. (THERE IS HOPE YALL)
Meeting guys who ARE seminarians. 
When someone says just the right thing at the right time...That Holy Spirit is so good, ya know. <3
Learning why others love Catholicism.
Thinking about babies.
Remembering how fragile I am.
Recognizing all the more how fragile I am.
Realizing how desperately inadequate I am....and my own ardent need for Christ.
More babies.

This is random....and unlike my typical posts....so I apologize if it scared you. ;)
God bless you all. I cannot make guarantees as to how much I will blog in the coming days, but rest assured that my prayers are with you regardless. <hugs>



Comments

  1. This was lovely. Thank you. *hugs*

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  2. Oh, this made me smile so much. ♥ I have to agree with everything. Especially JPII singing Ave Maria. And Narnia, hehe. ;)

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    1. Haha...the struggle is real though. His voice. <3

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  3. If I never mentioned we were kindred spirits before, here you go: WE ARE KINDRED SPIRITS.
    Your aching love for beautiful things was relatable to the very core of my being (this is me waxing eloquent). Babies, mountains, JPII, babies, JPII, being alone in church, oh everything. This post nearly made me cry in and of itself. Thank you dear, and God bless! <3 <3

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    1. AHH I'M SO EXCITED TO BE KINDRED SPIRITS WITH SOMEONE AS AWESOME OF YOU.

      Holy buckets though. So eloquent. <3

      God bless you!

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  4. We cry over all the same things!!! Oh my goodness :) And what you said is so true... it's okay, and even necessary, to let ourselves feel what we need to feel (without letting our emotions control our lives, of course). It will help us more in the long run if we do, and hurt us more in the long run if we don't. This is something I've really learned in recent months.
    God bless you! <3

    stephanievitabellissima.blogspot.com

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    1. Hey!! I'd never seen your blog before, but now I'm so excited to have found it! Thanks for commenting. :D

      I agree with all that you said...it is necessary to have emotions! But we must also be mindful as to not let them take over. :) Well said!

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  5. Replies
    1. Depends... How much are you paying me? ;)

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  6. Mariah, this was just beautiful. I often have a hard time expressing my deepest feelings too, but I'm trying to be more open and remember "it's ok to not be ok" too. <3 And JPII, ohmygosh he makes me cry too. I have this CD of him praying the Rosary in Latin, and it's the most beautiful thing ever. I listen to it in the car all the time and it just brings me such peace. HIS VOICE. gosh. <333
    And I'm reading this book right now with all these stories of how JPII influenced all these peoples lives - I find tears welling up in my eyes so often. It's really amazing his witness of love. He is absolutely a.m.a.z.i.n.g.

    And you are so fabulous. <3

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