GUYS I DID A COLLEGE VISIT. I WAS A PROSPECTIVE STUDENT.
(we're not going to talk about how had no idea what that was until after someone explained it to me....nope. not even going to go there. #Mariahprobs)
ALSO... I GOT A FREE T-SHIRT. *HAPPY DANCE*
BC was fantastic. Within 15 minutes of arriving my friend (HEYLEAH!!) & I popped in to see Jesus in adoration, followed by dinner at the caf (pasta and rice can indeed be mixed together to form a meal, in case you were wondering. #allaboutdatstarchyo), catching up, caramel brownies + Mass to end the night. As a gal who comes from a town with only 2 daily masses celebrated a week, and a mother who usually allows only one starch per meal, I was basically in paradise. Cloud nine y'all.
The rest of my visit was lovely too, of course. A prettier campus simply cannot exist (at least not in KS), college faculty was top notch and honestly? Sitting in on a theology class was the highlight of my month & further confirmed that I'm on a good path. Even if the whole college shebang doesn't work out, I'm a little more aware of which direction to head in. Studying the faith is freaking sweet. I love it.
Although BC gave an A+ first impression, stress certainly found a way to creep in. I found myself completely overridden with anxiety...stressing over if this was where God was calling me, if I was even cut out for college, financial stuff, the looming SAT ahead...everything sort of added up.
It took a few days, but after ample amounts of prayer and sleep, I recovered and remembered that I'm simply called to live in closer union with Him. There are a million conceivable ways that this can be achieved and worrying over the specifics of a specific possibility is a waste of precious life.
"PRAY, HOPE AND DON'T WORRY. WORRY IS USELESS.
GOD IS MERCIFUL AND WILL HEAR YOUR PRAYER."
St. Pio of Pietrelcina
Of course I care about where God leads me--and I'd be lying if I said that my heart wasn't set on going to college--Benedictine or otherwise. But at the same time...it just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I put my all into the SAT and am doing the same with all the other preparations...that's what we're supposed to do, after all. However, if God wants me somewhere else that's okay. I'll go there. And if that somewhere else involves marrying an Italian and having half-Italian/half-Mariah babies forever and ever, then ya know, I'll probably survive.
In the end, it'll all work out. College? Italian husband? Becoming a hermit and hiding in a closet made out of chocolate forever? I've realized that the specifics don't matter. Whatever God wills for me will become known at the right time and it's going to be epic. On top of all that, He'll carry me through whatever it takes to get there...as long as I open up and let Him take over.
So that's what I'm trying to do.
Worry has no worth. It is nothing more than a plethora of time that could have been used in striving for Sainthood. Frankly, life is much too short and entirely too precious to be spent on anything other than that very endeavor. Worrying is dumb. Instead, I'm asking God what He wants from me + making the continual effort to choose hope over worry. He's got this.
With that being said...my fingers are still crossed for BC.... ;)