12.15.2014

So....BC.

GUYS I DID A COLLEGE VISIT.  I WAS A PROSPECTIVE STUDENT.
(we're not going to talk about how had no idea what that was until after someone explained it to me....nope. not even going to go there. #Mariahprobs) 

ALSO... I GOT A FREE T-SHIRT. *HAPPY DANCE*

It's already been a month since my visit to Benedictine which is throwing me off. Where did the last four weeks go?! Oh yeah....SAT. Gross.

Anyways.

BC was fantastic. Within 15 minutes of arriving my friend (HEYLEAH!!) & I popped in to see Jesus in adoration, followed by dinner at the caf (pasta and rice can indeed be mixed together to form a meal, in case you were wondering. #allaboutdatstarchyo), catching up, caramel brownies +  Mass to end the night. As a gal who comes from a town with only 2 daily masses celebrated a week, and a mother who usually allows only one starch per meal, I was basically in paradise. Cloud nine y'all.

The rest of my visit was lovely too, of course. A prettier campus simply cannot exist (at least not in KS), college faculty was top notch and honestly? Sitting in on a theology class was the highlight of my month & further confirmed that I'm on a good path.  Even if the whole college shebang doesn't work out, I'm a little more aware of which direction to head in. Studying the faith is freaking sweet. I love it.

Although BC gave an A+  first impression, stress certainly found a way to creep in. I found myself completely overridden with anxiety...stressing over if this was where God was calling me, if I was even cut out for college, financial stuff,  the looming SAT ahead...everything sort of added up.

It took a few days, but after ample amounts of prayer and sleep, I recovered and remembered that I'm simply called to live in closer union with Him. There are a million conceivable ways that this can be achieved and worrying over the specifics of a specific possibility is a waste of precious life.

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"PRAY, HOPE AND DON'T WORRY. WORRY IS USELESS. 
GOD IS MERCIFUL AND WILL HEAR YOUR PRAYER."
St. Pio of Pietrelcina
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Of course I care about where God leads me--and I'd be lying if I said that my heart wasn't set on going to college--Benedictine or otherwise. But at the same time...it just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I put my all into the SAT and am doing the same with all the other preparations...that's what we're supposed to do, after all. However, if God wants me somewhere else that's okay. I'll go there. And if that somewhere else involves marrying an Italian and having half-Italian/half-Mariah babies forever and ever, then ya know, I'll probably survive.

In the end, it'll all work out. College? Italian husband? Becoming a hermit and hiding in a closet made out of chocolate forever? I've realized that the specifics don't matter. Whatever God wills for me will become known at the right time and it's going to be epic. On top of all that, He'll carry me through whatever it takes to get there...as long as I open up and let Him take over.

So that's what I'm trying to do.

Worry has no worth. It is nothing more than a plethora of time that could have been used in striving for Sainthood. Frankly, life is much too short and entirely too precious to be spent on anything other than that very endeavor. Worrying is dumb. Instead, I'm asking God what He wants from me + making the continual effort to choose hope  over worry. He's got this.

With that being said...my fingers are still crossed for BC.... ;)





p.s. caramel brownie recipe.
HOLY COW.
(you're welcome.)

15 comments:

  1. Wow, Mariah this is so awesome! I mean I've been going through the same exact stuff (SATs, am I cut out for college, where does God want me- pretty much everything you described) and your words are just so encouraging. (especially since I was starting to get bogged down with worries again) And it looks like you had an awesome time at BC! I'll pray for you that everything works out!

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    1. First of all, thank you for your prayers. I'm continually astounded by the community and support God has provided through blogging friends. I'm grateful for you!
      Doesn't it all just seem like SO MUCH? I get overwhelmed too..more frequently than someone who has 'BE NOT AFRAID' written in every random scrap of paper should, #unashamedJP2fangirl It is encouraging to know that I'm not the only one struggling, and even more so that we can be here to support one another in our journeys to sainthood. Be assures, you are in my prayers, Nuala!!

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  2. OHH I pray that you will be able to be there with me!!! But in the end you will only be happy if that is where God wants you! The Italian husband is a MUST!!! Imagine the little cuties you would have ;) Um yeah I'm kinda drooling over those brownies.

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    1. Exactly...Italian+Mariah=definite cuteness. I'm so sure of it. ;)

      Thank you, as always, for your prayers. They are much needed and certainly appreciated. You are a wonderful friend.

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  3. Ooooh we kind of have to take selfies with our Benedictine t-shirts! :) Love those free things. :) The brownie recipe looks absolutely to-die-for, and your photos are lovely. Of course, as always, your words just stir my soul. ♥♥

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    1. TWINSIE SELFIES? The only thing I can imagine being more epic...and that would be your reproduction of that JP2 photograph from the summer. Yep. The only thing,

      Thanks for kind words, Peregrin!

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  4. Aww, this post made me so happy and giggly and thoughtful all at the same time. (...that doesn't happen very often. FYI.) Although Benedictine is not my dream college, your visit put me in mind of my own upcoming TAC visit - plus, I'll always just love BC because...it's BC. And your Italian husband sounds like my Rancher. Who knows. GOD IS GOOD. <3 Stay holy, lovely!

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    1. Ooh, I hope you are so excited for your visit! I am certainly excited FOR you and will remember you in prayer.

      NOTE TO SELF: if you ever come across a Saintly, Studly Rancher send him to Melvina. ;)

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  5. That is so awesome! Benedictine was my dream school but God had other plans for me! In picking a school really let the Lord work! It was the hardest decision I ever made but ultimately if you are following God's will you cannot go wrong although you might end up doing things and wondering why??? The Lord is going to do some awesome things in your life!

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    1. Elizabeth, have you ever had someone say the exact right thing at exactly thr right time? That was what you did to me just now. God must have recognized an oppertunity to teach me a lesson or two about humility and threw me a curve ball...leaving me stressed and confused about this whole college thing. Trusting God to make the decision is precisely what I need to do...I may talk about having trust and confidence in Him, but by golly gee..I have a long ways to go. Thanks for keeping me in line and letting God speak through you! I've taken your words to heart.

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  6. Hooray for being done with the SAT! That is quite a relief and joy. I am also in the college search and pray period, so I wish you much Grace as you continue to follow Christ in all your decisions.

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    1. Hey Susanna! So nice to see you here. :) I'm so glad to be done with the SAT...and excited because the scores come in 2 days!!
      Thank you! I hope you can so the same. This is a funny season of life...we need grace upon grace!

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  7. Benedictine is a great school-but so many hills:P I absolutely love the campus...it's so pretty up there!
    Of course I'm going to say I hope you make it to Benedictine, not only for the great aspects of Faith and education, but also because it is less than 2 hours away from me:) #roadtripsgalore

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    1. Ohh I love the hills! I mean...just think of all the leg muscles. ;) The hills kind of prevent you from seeing the sunsets though, and that breaks my heart a little.
      Road trips to meet Mady? Heck yeahhh! It will be good to have someone "like family" so close. :)

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  8. Girl, I'm praying for you! I know how tough these decisions are- but trust, like you said. (LOL half Italian/ half Mariah babies.) You are adorable. Blessings, and Merry Christmas! xoxo

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