5.26.2014

on prayer. (specifically, a lack of)

The past couple weeks have been nothing but go-go-go. I brought most of it upon myself, and I'm certainly not complaining about it (well, trying not too) because it's an absolute miracle to have energy enough to do stuff...and that's basically all I want to do. Something. Anything. All the time. Because I can.

Anything except quiet, reflective time + prayer. Throughout the day I'll offer up a quick something-others, spur of the moment, oh-hey-protect-so-and-so or whatever. That's my prayer life. It's like sending God quick text messages throughout the day, but never bothering to open His replies. And that's only half the offence, because really? I'm pretty sure the Creator of everything deserves more than "texted" prayers. If we continue on with this analogy then I think handwritten-letter-prayers would be slightly more appropriate. Side note, I don't normally talk in analogies. It's kind of weirding me out now so I'm going to stop. 

Point is, I've sucked at making an effort into prayer lately. I've done a million other things... strengthened friendships, made art & sandwiches (basically the same thing), bought a cute dress, planned parties, spent time with siblings, worked my butt off to pay for plane tickets...the whole nine yards. All of which have been enjoyable, but there's still that nagging deep inside. That lack satisfaction that just can't be cured by sandwiches or anything else except... HIM. And that's the one thing I'm fully struggling with. Being with Him. Conversing, listening, and putting time into building up a relationship with Him. 

A friend of mine provided me with  a slight kick in the pants last night (as all good friends must do every once in awhile). With us both being converts to Catholicism, we're on the same page on a lot of matters--which basically means that we both feel a little less bad for sucking at being Catholic since we're new at this. Or new...ish in my case. Sort of new-ish. Anyways, she mentioned that after struggling for quite some time with making a commitment to prayer, she had finally gotten into the  habit of saying morning prayer and reading the day's scripture right after waking up. 

Her little success story came as just the right amount of encouragement to get me facing the right direction. Hey, if she can do it, perhaps I can break my own norm and do it too. Oddly enough, knowing that somebody else used to suck just as much as I do, but is making solid progress--no matter how slow or minuscule that progress is-- builds a lot of hope. It's the same way with reading the lives of the Saints, isn't it? When we consider that our struggles are not the first of their kind and that others before us have fought through them and won the battle, it makes everything seem just a little more attainable.

And so that's where I'm at... the very beginning. Not particularly my favorite place to be, but I thought I'd share for the sake of accountability, for the pursuit of internet honesty (as opposed to only sharing the pretty parts of life) and simply because I adore the Catholic blogger community and knowing I'm not completely alone here.  

9 comments:

  1. Oh how I love your honesty. ♥ You aren't alone. At all. Gosh, it's like climbing a mountain! But you are never alone.

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    1. Most certainly like a mountain. YES. Thank you, dear <3

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  2. You're definitely not alone. Even those who of us who are "old at it" through being cradle Catholics would have to admit that we're still new at it, if we were to be honest. Our relationship with God is constantly renewing. In some ways I feel like we'll always be at the beginning until we reach the end in eternity. ♥

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    1. You're wonderful, Clare. Thank you thank you for sharing your little bit of wisdom--it came as such a comfort for me. ♥

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  3. Going to echo Peregrin + Clare...girl, you are soooo not alone. Honestly, EVERY Catholic struggles with prayer, no matter whether they're cradle Catholics or converts.

    This is actually something I've been struggling with for the past year...making time for God and having a prayer life period. Lately, it's been only praying at Mass every Sunday or lifting a struggle up to Him. But it's not a part of my daily routine and I want that to change. Asap. That's one of my main summer goals. So I'm right there with you. ♥♥♥

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    1. I've spent days and days trying to put into words how grateful I am that you piped into the conversation here...but the words just won't come. So, very simply, thank you. Meant the world. ♥

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  4. Also, I adore YOU for sharing this...as well the Catholic blogger community. It's a great one. :)

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  5. Can I tell you how much I love your work? All of it? Including what you have to say? ♥

    And I had to do a double-take when I saw this post. It's seems so similar to one I just published, and I didn't even plan it! So, that is proof that we are going through this crazy but beautiful mess of life together. :) Now is the time to be saint, not tomorrow, not next week. God doesn't give us a promise of tomorrow; that's why the new day is always a gift. Now is the time to pray and get to know HIM. Love ya! xo

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    1. I gasped a little when I saw your post first thing this morning and thought to myself...what are the chances of THAT?! Your post was encouraging as ever to read; I could thank you over and over for your honesty in it.

      Yeah sainthood! Lets do this thing, Samantha!

      <3 <3

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