on prayer. (specifically, a lack of)
Anything except quiet, reflective time + prayer. Throughout the day I'll offer up a quick something-others, spur of the moment, oh-hey-protect-so-and-so or whatever. That's my prayer life. It's like sending God quick text messages throughout the day, but never bothering to open His replies. And that's only half the offence, because really? I'm pretty sure the Creator of everything deserves more than "texted" prayers. If we continue on with this analogy then I think handwritten-letter-prayers would be slightly more appropriate. Side note, I don't normally talk in analogies. It's kind of weirding me out now so I'm going to stop.
Point is, I've sucked at making an effort into prayer lately. I've done a million other things... strengthened friendships, made art & sandwiches (basically the same thing), bought a cute dress, planned parties, spent time with siblings, worked my butt off to pay for plane tickets...the whole nine yards. All of which have been enjoyable, but there's still that nagging deep inside. That lack satisfaction that just can't be cured by sandwiches or anything else except... HIM. And that's the one thing I'm fully struggling with. Being with Him. Conversing, listening, and putting time into building up a relationship with Him.
A friend of mine provided me with a slight kick in the pants last night (as all good friends must do every once in awhile). With us both being converts to Catholicism, we're on the same page on a lot of matters--which basically means that we both feel a little less bad for sucking at being Catholic since we're new at this. Or new...ish in my case. Sort of new-ish. Anyways, she mentioned that after struggling for quite some time with making a commitment to prayer, she had finally gotten into the habit of saying morning prayer and reading the day's scripture right after waking up.
Her little success story came as just the right amount of encouragement to get me facing the right direction. Hey, if she can do it, perhaps I can break my own norm and do it too. Oddly enough, knowing that somebody else used to suck just as much as I do, but is making solid progress--no matter how slow or minuscule that progress is-- builds a lot of hope. It's the same way with reading the lives of the Saints, isn't it? When we consider that our struggles are not the first of their kind and that others before us have fought through them and won the battle, it makes everything seem just a little more attainable.
And so that's where I'm at... the very beginning. Not particularly my favorite place to be, but I thought I'd share for the sake of accountability, for the pursuit of internet honesty (as opposed to only sharing the pretty parts of life) and simply because I adore the Catholic blogger community and knowing I'm not completely alone here.